


Overgrowth

by greygerbil



Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: First Kiss, Hanahaki Disease, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:28:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26173486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greygerbil/pseuds/greygerbil
Summary: Evfra never wondered who the petals were meant to hint at.
Relationships: Jaal Ama Darav/Evfra de Tershaav
Comments: 1
Kudos: 23
Collections: Alternate Universe Exchange 2020





	Overgrowth

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tentacledicks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tentacledicks/gifts).



Evfra knew who the flowers were for the moment he saw them covering the dull steel of his sink. Aya had brilliant blossoms, too, but the only ones he knew to be this vibrant reddish purple – still shimmering like gemstones in the harsh bathroom light, petals made to catch sunlight through dew droplets instead of the LED glare by way of his spit – he’d seen growing wild on Havarl. _Gadeva_ a woman had called them, he remembered dimly. The last time he had visited the Resistance headquarters there, their vines had bent part of his window frame and they had to be constantly cut back to be kept from encroaching on him while he was asleep.

Now that the Vault on Havarl was stabilised, it seemed the uncontrolled growth had to continue somewhere else.

Slowly, he stepped away and sank down on the low rim of the square bathtub. If nothing else, Evfra liked to think that he was sober-minded, if not always reasonable. Even if he’d spit out a handful of unidentifiable, unassuming leaves, it wouldn’t have been difficult to take a good guess why. How long had he known that he was in love with Jaal? A year, probably a few months on top of that? Long enough for it to have become a fixture in his life that whenever they spoke in private, when he had Jaal’s attention all to himself, guilt and fawning pleasure as well as embarrassment over the latter curled together in his stomach.

Jaal liked him, Evfra was sure, since Jaal had the capacity to get along with almost anybody. However, love was a much taller order, and now that he was on board of that alien’s ship, someone as curious and personable as him would almost certainly have found ample personal distractions there, too. Evfra had already heard him speak with great enthusiasm about his new crew. If Jaal would not come back in half a year with one of them hanging on his arm, Evfra would lose a bet he’d made with himself.

Evfra knew he had no right to be jealous, of course, and as he cowered there on the bathtub rim, he made the easy decision that he would not dim Jaal’s light by placing on him the burden of the truth of his illness, whenever it should become obvious that he was sick. If anything might leave a permanent crack inside Jaal, it was knowing that his lack of affection was slowly killing someone.

He cleared his throat, frowning at the feeling of something stuck at the back of it of it. Some people lived with this for years, some died a few months in, a small minority even recovered because they managed to fall out of love. Regardless, he’d be able to move slowly enough in getting his affairs at the Resistance in order without making it so obvious that people got nervous. Though this disease was rare and he’d rather figured he might go the way of most soldiers and die on a battlefield, he’d always designed the Resistance with an exit plan in mind. Everybody had to be expendable and that included himself.

More coughing brought another shower of petals falling over his legs, onto the ground. Evfra rubbed his brow and forbade the oncoming sense of dread to take hold of him. They all had to go at some point and he’d been on borrowed time ever since he woke up blood-smeared in his trashed home, left for dead in the dirt by the kett who had stolen his family. It was simply catching up with him.

-

“Scott is remarkable! He’s so young, but he grasped the responsibility he was given with both hands. And so close after his father’s death, with his sister in a coma... I don’t know that I could have done it.”

“I hope your admiration won’t stop you from giving me sensible assessments.”

If a little more sarcasm than he had planned had snuck into Evfra’s voice, Jaal did not let it bother him, showing Evfra that bright, amicable grin that could turn the most fossilised of hearts to his favour (as Evfra had amply proven). He’d been going on for a solid twenty minutes now about his companions on the Tempest, but it was the Pathfinder himself who had evidently impressed him most. Evfra had already talked to Scott Ryder a few times himself and he did seem to be very appreciative of Jaal, too. This, at least, was good judgement or at least competent deception. If he had any brain, Ryder should be keenly aware that Evfra would not have given him a chance without Jaal and that Jaal was an asset to his team.

Evfra did not have to ask why, despite knowing this, hearing the two of them fawn over each other was still vexing; he was also too old to tell himself it was only because he worried about Jaal’s safety if he let his guard down, though that was a real factor. If the Pathfinder was honest, though, there was really no reason that the two shouldn’t eventually do whatever their hearts directed. Evfra would have been a hypocrite to blame them. His own was so strong now that it might end him.

As Jaal launched into a description of their work on Eos, Evfra felt his attention waver, from Jaal’s words to his voice, his palpable joy at the strides they were making. He already knew the basics from mission reports and pathetically allowed himself to wallow in Jaal’s presence instead.

Weeks had passed since he had first choked on flowers and by now it had become routine to find reasons to step away from his soldiers to cough up the blossoms or suppress the urge even if the petals seemed to clump his airway and had him turn away to wipe the tears out of his eyes as he struggled to breathe. Thankfully, most people did not know him too well and those who he suspected had noted his change in behaviour wouldn’t speak about a delicate topic such as health with him. As long as he still stood on his feet and worked, no one commented on the persistent rough, dry coughing. In such critical times, of course Evfra would not stay home for a common cold.

Except, when he quietly coughed into the crook of his elbow as he looked at Jaal, Jaal stopped in his report of a raid on a kett outpost and cocked his head.

“Are you – alright?” he asked with careful awkwardness.

“Yes,” Evfra said brusquely, though he was aware he’d been clearing his throat constantly. Being around Jaal made it feel like the flowers were expanding in his chest, struggling against the confines of his lungs, threatening to explode out of him if they couldn’t escape through his mouth. “Did you manage to oust the leader? If the Nexus colony sits next to a kett facility, it will end as well for them as it did the last two times. Their scientist settlers are not going to be able to fight them off.”

Even if he had not given Jaal’s story the full attention it deserved, he had at least managed to follow along this far. Jaal gave a slow nod, though he scanned Evfra head to toe regardless. The honest concern radiating from him even overcame Evfra’s shame over being visibly sick, leaving him feeling touched.

“That’s true, Scott had the same thought. He’s become quite the strategist, so the kett facility was one of his key targets. He says the Nexus cannot afford to lose another colony since morale is already so low. They _need_ a win. He’s always quite concerned about that, which is very smart of him...”

Evfra thought tiredly to himself that he’d even have preferred talking about his cough to listening to Jaal launch into another volley of praise for the Pathfinder, but what would it have helped not to hear it? _The snow will still be white even if you close your eyes_ , he heard his dead sister’s raspy voice in the back of his mind.

-

“Can I keep you here for a moment longer, Evfra?”

Evfra had expected Olvek’s intervention at some point. It had been three months now over which it had become increasingly clear to him that he was not going to be the type who survived or drew this out for years. While he could hide the coughs that wracked him and the petals that he found in his clothes, his apartment, even between his datapads, there was no way to disguise pallid skin, a feverish haze, the slight tremor to his hands which had set in over the last couple of weeks. He caught worried glances and probably caused hushed conversation at the tavetaan now. Still, no one under him questioned him directly, both the Moshae and Paraan Shie were not close enough to him to be able to force an answer, and Jaal, who might have pried with that passionate lack of manners that was so easy to forgive, was not around to notice.

He would have to tell his head doctor something, though. He employed him to notice things like these.

“I know what you’ll say,” Evfra told him, stepping away from the desk where Olvek had put the latest list of those back on duty after treatment.

“And you will tell me it’s nothing?” Olvek asked, with a resigned half-smile.

“It’s not something a physician can help with. We’ll both waste our time.”

Because he wasn’t lying, Evfra sounded honest. He wished there was a medical treatment, as abandoning the Resistance at such a crucial moment was the last thing he wanted to do. However, it was well-known this illness had left medical professionals stumped since it had first been recorded.

Olvek moved a few sheets of note paper on the table, deliberating perhaps rather the words he would choose than the advice itself, if Evfra knew that calculating look on his face.

“In that case, I could schedule an appointment with a therapist. I know a couple who are trustworthy.”

Evfra was sure Olvek’s contacts would have been discreet and that perhaps, were his sickness of the mental sort – and had he been a less stubborn person –, he might have been helped by them. Olvek certainly meant well. However, it would be unfair to burden a therapist with the private knowledge of the real uncertainty that his death would cause within the Resistance and among the angara people. Besides, it seemed just as pointless to him as letting Olvek give him a detailed diagnosis when he could see it spat on his pillow every night. Perhaps the old Voeld saying went that ignoring the snow wouldn’t make it any less white, but relentlessly staring at it wouldn’t change its colour, either.

“Send their information to me, then,” Evfra said, anyway. “I’ll think about it.”

Olvek had been here for five years, so he could probably guess that Evfra would not actually follow up with them, but he nodded his head.

-

“It must have been harrowing to see it all first hand.”

Jaal shifted where he sat on the edge of the empty conference table. It was the slowest time at the Resistance headquarters, deep night on Aya, with only some people left to monitor the other two planets, where day-night-cycles were different. Evfra had taken Jaal aside into a quiet meeting room for his debriefing and now sat across from him, watching a cold blue light cast him into a stark light as, to Evfra’s surprise, he smiled.

“I won’t pretend I was not shaken. To know that the kett were made of us, that was a blow to every angara, wasn’t it? And watching it happen...” He shook his head, wincing at the memory. “In the moment, it was gruesome, but I think it also eventually allowed me to realise that the kett are not us. The way in which they change us is complete.”

“You’re right, I wish I were that certain,” Evfra admitted, carefully keeping his hands under the table as another tremor ran through them. “In the end, though, it can’t make a difference to our strategy. We have no evidence that our people still remember who they were once they are ‘exalted’. We’re still fighting the same enemy.”

Except, of course, knowing that all those lost where now at the other end of a barrel and pointing it at you. He blamed no one for despairing, but the gun was still real and the bullets would still come.

“Yes, exactly. I try to think of it as a crueller form of murder. Not only to eradicate the person, but to disturb the remains,” Jaal said.

Though Jaal had grown in leaps and bounds at the Pathfinder’s side and Evfra had already noted this, when he listened to him now, he realised that he thought of him as comforting for the first time. Jaal did not need Evfra to pretend to stand completely firm on matters he still had doubts about because he had brought his own convictions. It allowed Evfra to risk breaching another topic that he had kept mostly silent about with his people except for the sober facts.

“Yes, that’s a good thing to keep in mind in a fight.” Evfra took a deep breath, as much as he dared to these days, as breathing too hard would immediately send him into a coughing fit. “If only the origin of the kett soldiers were all the troubling history you’d learned about. It’s been a lot for such a short time.”

Jaal nodded his head, a solemn look on his face.

“The Jardaan were an awesome discovery in every sense of the word, yes. Though I have to say I didn’t have such a violent reaction to finding out about them. Perhaps by that point I was numb, but... it didn’t seem so frightening to me, just overwhelming.”

Evfra glanced at the table, Jaal’s dark shadow laying on its polished metal surface. “If we were designed, I wonder why they made us the way we are,” Evfra mused. “If you want slaves, why allow them to think like we do? You’re setting yourself up for a rebellion.” He shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe if you need a certain type of complexity in problem solving, you have no choice but to risk creating intelligent life?”

“Or perhaps we were there to prove some point of philosophy, much like some AI is. Maybe we are the product of the philosophical ideas _of_ an AI.”

“It’s possible. We’re quite a few, though, and they had whole worlds set aside. Perhaps a zoo?” Evfra suggested, raising a brow. “Or, like escaped pet kaerkyns, we simply multiplied faster than expected and settled on worlds that were meant for others.”

Jaal chuckled. “You’re pessimistic. Me, I wonder what destiny they had devised for us. Look at all they gave us, the planets, the technology! They’re so perfectly suited for us, I really believe they were meant for that purpose. I don’t plan to seek for the Jardaan’s meaning for us – I don’t need their plan. But I like to have proof that we were meant to be more than playthings for the kett.”

“That much it gives us.” Evfra bit down on the remark that they may have been meant to be playthings for the Jardaan to keep the smile on Jaal’s lips. “At the very least, I think if people expand this much energy and resources, it’s not to prove a point in a theoretical debate. Though whether they were masters of their craft... I guess it depends on the goal they had for us.”

Jaal looked at him with interested confusion and, before he could think better of it, Evfra kept talking.

“They have given us such a great capability for suffering that it seems excessively cruel.” 

He saw it all around him, the sadness and fury in the eyes of young recruits barely more than children, the numb people they collected out of labour camps, the leftovers like him who had lost all they held dear. These were wounds that would never fully heal and he very much understood Jaal’s wish to believe that at one point they’d been meant to be more than a broken, angry, desperately proud people looking extinction in the eyes. Still, wouldn’t it be easier to simply feel less? He’d often thought so, especially in the first long lonely nights on Voeld after the attack.

Besides, what manner of person designed living beings to occasionally choke on petals filling their lungs just because of an emotion? Yet, maybe it was his just reward for ten years of dodging affection and friendship against all the angara believed to be natural, until his long-stifled desires were about to actually stifle him.

Evfra shook his head. He didn’t even believe in fate. Sickness wasn’t a targeted weapon of some god. Whoever had built them had probably made a mistake rather than adding a poetic flourish.

“Evfra...”

He could not blame Jaal for sounding alarmed.

“My apologies, I’m tired. I guess if we were meant to have feelings, they couldn’t just choose one. How would anyone know they’re happy without contrast?” Evfra shrugged. “Is there anything else?”

Jaal hesitated, but shook his head.

“Of course. I forget the time on Aya these days, I’m so used to the rhythm on Scott’s ship.” He straightened. “Well, there is one thing – I wanted to thank you for the position you offered me.”

“You turned it down.”

It hadn’t particularly surprised Evfra. Still, he figured at this point it had been the right way to honour Jaal’s achievements.

“I think, for now, I am in the right place.” Jaal levelled a thoughtful gaze at him. “But I also wanted to ask why you offered it to me now? You knew I wanted a command before.”

“Because you would not have fit the position before,” Evfra said plainly, ignoring the obvious way wounded pride immediately showed on Jaal’s face. “You were a good shot and a good soldier. You were too timid, though. The nature of our job means that at some point you may not only have to offer your life, which I know you’re not afraid of.” He let the sentence linger a little with a reproachful glance, a reminder of Jaal’s brave but foolhardy stunt when dealing with Akksul. “However, you might have to send those under your command to death as well. I didn’t think you had the confidence in yourself to do that: believing you’re right so much that you’re willing to bet lives on it.” He got up from his chair. “From my experience, it never becomes easy, which is a good thing. Be that as it may... now you’ve made some decisions against your superior’s wishes and because of that you had a chance to try yourself out away from all of us. I think you’re smart enough to know that rash boldness won’t always automatically get you results, but I hope you trust yourself more.”

Jaal’s somewhat petulant look had turned almost awed as Evfra spoke.

“I never realised you’d put that much thought into my development here.”

“Of course. I want you to grow. The Resistance needs leaders.”

Jaal smiled, jovially brushing his hand against Evfra’s elbow. “Well, thankfully, the Resistance already has a leader.”

“For now. It’s best to be prepared for everything. I used to think I had an idea how the future would turn out and then people from another galaxy crashed straight into the Scourge.”

This made Jaal laugh and Evfra simply rejoiced in the sound for one blissful moment. If he already paid with pain, at least he could allow himself little bit of love for contrast.

-

Evfra had realised from the moment he heard of the attack on Meridian that it would be a bad idea to go into battle and he’d simultaneously known that there was no other option but to lead from the front. This was their one shot at the Archon and expecting that there might be another opportunity at a more convenient time would have been foolish. Besides, even if he did break down right on the battlefield, succumbing to the illness that had spread through him for months now, it would have been worth it.

As it was, Evfra managed to stay on his feet for the fight, the first moment of glorious victory, and even the drawn-out negotiations that came after. It was when the adrenaline and euphoria that had taken hold of him for days finally dispersed that he fully felt the bone-deep exhaustion and found how little strength he recovered even from his sparse rests. It seemed his time was running out, his end ushered on by the overexertion. As he dragged himself back to the angaran spearhead ship, he considered with wry amusement that he had only just remarked to the Moshae that it might be unwise for her to become the ambassador due to her precarious health. “We all gave of ourselves,” she had told him, and as usual, she’d been right. Soon enough she would probably realise how much and that, Evfra could not stop. However, he didn’t want to be found curled up in a random corner of Meridian like a dead bug.

The ship was empty, as Evfra had sent everybody out to enjoy the well-deserved celebrations. There was a small room by the captain’s chamber he had commanded and stuffed with electronics wheeled in on carts to allow him to keep in contact with the Resistance bases on the three planets. However, as he hurried down the hallway, trying to collect the petals he was coughing up with both hands, seeing them flutter between his shaking fingers, his knees suddenly gave out. He collapsed sideways against a wall and before he’d met the ground, the darkness had enveloped him.

-

When he woke, he felt something was propping up his upper body and, opening his eyes, he noticed that the soft material his forehead leaned against was the synthetic alloy of angaran armour. His field of vision still flickered, but he could sense he was in someone’s arms then, their knees pressing against his back. Under his hand, which laid limp on the ground, were the silky petals.

He opened his mouth to speak and could only cough, struggling for air through all the gadeva. His body would not listen to him, all attempts at moving his limbs turning into nothing but twitches and jolts, but he finally managed to turn his head and look up at the person clutching him.

It was Jaal. His eyes were wide with fear and anguish as they met Evfra’s.

“Evfra, can you hear me?”

“Yes,” Evfra croaked.

He could feel the petals clinging to his lips as he spoke, wondered briefly what he looked like as he considered Jaal’s expression. He suspected the sight would almost be more grotesque than if he’d simply been covered in blood. The thought allowed him to summon enough strength to lift his arm and wipe his mouth with the back of his hand.

“Jaal...”

“I can get you to a doctor. Do you think I can move you? I don’t know where our medic is – but Lexi, she’s good! She’s been treating me for a while-”

“Jaal,” Evfra just repeated, interrupting him. “This is not for a doctor to solve.”

Jaal already knew this, Evfra was sure, but panic would make you grasp for straws. Jaal halted, still holding Evfra tight against his chest. Though the grip squeezed his aching chest, Evfra was glad for it.

“I knew this would happen,” he said, as calmly as he could, pushing down that squawking, shuddering voice of the survival instinct which balked at what was soon to come. He still felt a certain grim pride that he had made it to the last page of this chapter of the story, at least, which kept him from letting anguish take over.

“Who is it? I’ll bring them here!” Jaal exclaimed. “Maybe we can stop this!”

“I’m not making anyone responsible for my death.”

Somehow, Evfra managed to put enough authority into his breaking voice to stop whatever well-meant suggestion Jaal would come up with next. Jaal snapped his mouth shut, just staring at Evfra again, then looking up, around, as if something in the bare hallway could give him an idea what to do. The way he bit his unsteady lower lip suggested he was close to tears.

“The angara don’t fight alone now.” Evfra cleared his throat uselessly. “You can beat the kett. I believe in the Resistance – and in you. You’ve-”

This time, he was the one being cut off, not by words, but by Jaal’s mouth on his own. It was not a comfortable kiss, with petals folded between their lips and the awkward angle in which Jaal crouched over him, still holding Evfra, yet it also left Evfra all but enveloped in his arms, the bent of his body, and that was perfect. His hand caught on the folds of Jaal’s head, held on desperately.

And suddenly, when Jaal leaned back, Evfra could breathe. He gasped for air, bringing it down in a way he hadn’t been able to in weeks.

“I’m sorry,” Jaal said over him.

“You’re in love with me.”

If Jaal weren’t, this wouldn’t have worked. You couldn’t save people from this with pity.

Jaal nodded his head, looking contrite. “Well, I...”

“I know.” Evfra drew in another deep breath. He felt like he’d torn open the door to some mouldy, windowless cellar room, letting the dust of years fly away. “It was you.”

They were both silent for a moment. Evfra figured he would feel happiness when the shock had worn off. For now, it was pure relief so strong it made him lightheaded. His hand was still on Jaal, who was regarding him now in wonder.

“Why did you never say anything?”

“I just told you that. This is... was, I suppose, my problem. I didn’t want make you feel guilty.” Evfra paused. “I had no idea you liked me. You’re not usually so guarded with your feelings.”

“I never thought you would even consider a relationship. That’s why I never said anything.” Jaal shook his head at him as he raised Evfra little higher from the floor, cradling him in his arms. “When I found you, I thought you were dead. You must have been hurting because of me...”

“My reward for scaring you away,” Evfra said flatly. He could not blame Jaal for figuring Evfra wasn’t interested. “It’s fine now and it wasn’t your fault.”

Jaal kissed him again. This kiss was sweeter, slower, and Evfra allowed himself to savour it despite the taste of raw plant in his mouth. When Jaal leaned back, he let go of him a little to reach back, hooking his free arm under Evfra’s knees.

“You cannot keep lying in the hallway,” he said.

Evfra would have protested, but he had an inkling that his legs wouldn’t carry him yet. When Jaal lifted him up, he glanced downwards at the destruction of crushed petals that had surrounded him, a veritable puddle of them where his head had laid. Jaal must have found him all but choking on them. No wonder he’d looked so horrified.

“This is where I tried to go,” Evfra said, vaguely gesturing towards the door.

Jaal shouldered it open and placed him down on the narrow cottage standing against the wall.

“People were looking for you. It’s why I came,” he said. “I will tell them you have a fever and need to rest.”

“If I have to miss any of this, I can live with not being around for the party,” Evfra murmured

He felt a flutter like a hundred flowers rustling in the wind in his stomach as Jaal chuckled and kissed him again. He stayed bent over him for a while like this, hand sinking into the pillow next to Evfra’s head.

“Medicine,” Jaal said happily as he leaned back.

Evfra rolled his eyes at him, but could not quite hide a smile.

-

Evfra had just settled in and cleared the last remnants of petals out of his throat when Jaal returned.

“I thought you were going back to the party?” Evfra asked, eyes half-closed.

“You’re still here,” Jaal argued, pulling off his shoes.

“You already cured me and you deserve to celebrate.”

“Still... I don’t think I can leave you.”

Evfra could understand that. After what Jaal had seen when he came into the ship the last time, of course he’d be worried to let Evfra out of his sight for now. Instead of arguing, he made room on the cot for Jaal to lie down and when he nuzzled against him, looking elated, Evfra pulled him into his arms and rubbed his thumb over the ridges at the back of Jaal’s neck.

They laid in silence for a moment when Jaal picked up one of the petals from the blanket.

“I’ve seen these on Havarl...”

“Me too. All over the Resistance base. I think that’s why they’re connected to you.” His arm tightened around Jaal as he looked at the petal. “They’re beautiful when they aren’t filling my lungs.” He grabbed one to place it on Jaal’s skin, the deeper reddish pink of the flower pretty against it, almost the same colour as the pattern on his head.

Jaal kissed him, just a peck this time, and Evfra let his eyes drift shut. He could still smell the petals, faintly sweet, mixing with Jaal’s scent as he pushed close enough that there was no inch between them and held Evfra tight.


End file.
